Sunday, October 20, 2013

The Sun, The Son, & My Son: A poem by Alberta

Dear Survivor,

The Sun, The Son, & My Son

My ambition is locked inside of me
ever since that night...roughly 19 months ago.
The night of fog, violation, and denial.
My eyes of naivety wouldn't see the world again after them.
It was the night a tree of deep rooted pain was planted.
It blossomed with friends turning to strangers,
cold doctor visits, class withdrawals,
social triggers, disbelieving public officials,
therapy, and complete distrust.
Grim couldn't pull my love down.
I refused unforgiveness.
Choosing love, choosing love again, choosing life.
For them, for me, for him...My son...
would see the world for the first time.

I kept dusting my lenses, looking for my passion.
Holding hope in hope...
Looking for the parts of me that had been lost,
in the parts of me that couldn't find them.
Confidence in those who were there for me, but didn't care for me,
became more reasons to walk alone.
Strangers glares asked all the wrong questions I had no answers to.
The sun, the Son and my son became my only reasons to smile.

I have cried many tears behind dark shower curtains.
No matter how often I see him.... still... I miss my baby.
I will never stop loving.

Time is a slow medicine.
My mind doesn't process the words of men as possible truths
because Promises grow dim when lit with lying sincerity.
The Healing process has stop and go buttons,
and I've been pressing stop.
I'm tired of having to heal.
I am young. I don't have time for this.
I am sure that's been said before.

My heart has grown heavy.
Writing stopped.
Because when I write, the truth burns.
The most between 3 and 4 am.
I know I'll never feel my body is the same.
Even though my spirit remains unchanged.
I am not depressed. I'm thankful to be alive.
But I am stuck.
It happens to a lot of people
but I didn't think it would happen to me.
“You're so strong!” They tell me.
I don't believe anyone anymore.
The moon is strong.
I'm just working to crawl out from behind her.
And Shine with the most authentic joy.
I can't stop loving
nor wondering what it's all for.
I can't stop being inspired ,
even though I've been rewired.

One day, I'll stop looking back.
I'll hold someones hand without being terrified.
I'll know my future is now, and not tomorrow,
and that no circumstance is without a lesson.
No period of time is without a blessing,
And my story, will change lives...
as soon as I can figure out how to change mine.

Love and Light ~Alberta

Sunday, January 13, 2013

To The World: Rhetorical Questions

Dear Survivor,
How do you tell THE WORLD that just because you are smiling it doesn't mean you are okay?
How do you tell the world that HEALING is not just something you can see on the outside but something you have to actively do on the INSIDE?
How do you tell the world that you may look like you're moving on but inside your heart is still BROKEN?
How do you tell the world? And even if YOU COULD what good would it do.
How do you tell the world what it feels like to carry a BABY for 9 months, give birth and then be SEPERATED.
How do you tell the world how much it hurts? How much you learn, how much it CHANGES you...
How do you tell the world that the most humbling thing is knowing you are doing all you can and it's still NOT ENOUGH?
How do you tell the world it's not YOUR FAULT?
How do you tell the world whats it's like to walk down the street in constant paranoia of WHO you may see? what they might do.
How do you tell the world what it feels like to wake up every day feeling like you're STANDING still?
How do you tell the world that your attacker is still out there and you can't shake the FEAR?
How do you tell tell the world sometimes you wonder if it would be better if you weren't AROUND.
How do you tell the world what BETRAYAL+The-Hardest-year-of-your-life truly feels like?
How do you tell the world that what happened to you was UNAVOIDABLE and that where you are is just THE RESULT of that truth?
How do you tell the world that assuming the best in everyone is the best you can do but also the most VULNERABLE thing?
How do you tell the world they don't understand...and that thats okay but that they could CHOOSE LOVE anyway?
How do you tell the world that judgment, ANGER, hate, THE EGO, disrespect, and unforgivness are their WORST ENEMIES?
How do you tell the world that 'Thank you','I AM SORRY', and 'I love you' are the most POWERFUL words you can ever say.
How do you tell the world you have Gratitude, Love, and LIGHT overflowing for others if they will only ACCEPT IT?
How do you tell the world that you are nothing and non-existant without the divine but through him you continue to LIVE?
How do you tell the world that if they FEEL even one of these things I want to speak to them and FOR THEM?
How do I TELL THE WORLD all of these things? I don't know. But I am telling you now world. I can't make you LISTEN, but I am speaking to YOU.


Love and Light

Thursday, January 10, 2013

You are you

Dear Survivor,
You ARE you. You will never be the you you used to be and that is okay. You are stronger. You are healing. You are a survivor. You are more beautiful than ever before. You are more inspiring than ever before. You are incredible. The you you are today is the you on the journey to an amazing future. I am so proud of the you you are today. I am sending so much peace and positive energy to you. I am sending you all the happiness and hope your heart can hold today and every day that follows. Celebrate you and how far you HAVE come! Enjoy yourself because you deserve every joy.
Love and Light

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

It's all up to you

Dear Survivor,
Remember is who you are inside that is the most important and most beautiful thing. The best thing about that is that YOU CHOOSE just how beautiful that woman is. Your attackers have nothing to do with that. They may have taken your power once and missed you but now you can decide what you do with your body which is the temple of your beautiful and ever surviving soul! It's all up to you !
Love and Light

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Create Your Future

Dear Survivor,
When All the world feels like it's standing still and unmoving....when you feel invisible and alone and unimportant...when you feel left behind, tattered, used, or broken...remember and take heart in this: The one thing constant in the world is change. No matter where you've been or what you've been through in 2012, time is moving, time is changing, our world is changing, and we can join forces with this change and actively participate in creating a brighter future for ourselves, choosing love above hate, forgiveness above revenge, gratitude above negativity, and faith above fear. We have the strength to take our power back into our own hands and paint the future we want for ourselves and for the world. Stand up. Stand Tall. Live another day. Live another week, another month, another year, and show the world how much survivors can do when they choose to heal and impower themselves and others.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has" ~Margaret Mead

Love and Light